Saturday, February 21, 2009

Hurt


Yall remember this?

For those that have no idea;
that's one of the many gifts I got from the "Mr"
for the new year.
I made it clear to friends (online and offline)
that it was a gift and not an engagement ring.
He found it and thought it'd be nice for me
so he bought it for me.

He said
the next one you're getting would be better than this and you know what that means...
I just smiled o
yall know we females die to see that moment.

Anyway

this ring has stirred up a lot of goods and bads.
I mean you would honestly think that the
people you care about would be happy
for you when something wonderful happens to you.

Fortunately or unfortunately for me,
my best friend happens to be a guy.
we've been friends for about 5 years now.
He was nothing but wonderful to me
until about 2 years ago
when he insisted on being more than a friend.
Until then, it's been a playful issue.

I'm a "one man" person
and I think most people know that.
I was disappointed that he would bring something like that up
when he knew I had someone.
I told him I'm not ready to ruin a perfect friendship
things would be better off the way they were.

We fought,
We argued
non stop over this issue.
At a point, he convinced himself that I was his.

One thing I realized is that every time
the "Mr" and I had an argument
my best friend takes that opportunity
to bring up the "us" issue.
Times without number, I told him
"Let this go. I love you as a friend but you gotta stop this. I don't appreciate you bringing this up. Besides, you and I argue more than I do with him."

He stopped for a while.
One fateful day, I went to choir practice
and friends noticed the ring on my finger
and started to question it like
ahh; I thought you were my friend
You got engaged without letting us know.

I told them
engagement is a big thing and it's not something one hides. What you see is a gift. I know it's hard to convince yall Although this is something I cherish a lot, it's not an engagement ring.

My best friend happened to be watching
with the meanest look.
He ignored me that day.
I ran into him the next day
and he said
when were you planning on telling me you were engaged?

I told him if I was
he'd be the first to know.
He just sighed.
I had to ask if he'd hate me
or do away with our friendship
if I was actually engaged.
His response was
" oh no! that would be wonderful and I'd be more than happy to see you happy in life."

Few days after,
he changed completely.
I mean we argued a lot but
it increased after this fateful day.
He became intolerable.
Every time I asked for help on something;
he'd snob me.
If we get into an argument,
he'd say stuffs like

"Is that how you talk to him? Do you raise your voice at him? You've over here talking to me like I'm a houseboy and you're always shaking like a jelly fish when you're talking to him..."

Can yall imagine stuffs like that?
If he tries to be too close
which he shouldn't
and I give him the look or push him
he'd say something like
"pele o iyawo - sorry o wifey."

This is just to mention a few
of the many things he has done/said to me
He's been nothing but a child since I got this ring.
I threatened to do away with him one time
and he wasn't moved.
He just laughed.

I thought that was mean.
Considering the fact that
I'm the kind of person that
finds it almost impossible to let people
go even when they're hurting me.
I guess he knows that
and has been taking advantage of it.

I promised myself I wouldn't put this out there
but i am fed up
cause this dude is really pushing it.
I recently found out that he knows and
reads this blog.
In case he reads this post

"Hey best friend or ex best friend I don't care if you don't like the fact that I blogged about you but I am really tired of your BS. I've been nothing but nice to you. I've done things that your so called female friends wouldn't do. I have cleaned with and for you. I have cooked for you I have been nothing but good to you but I am fed up of you insulting me and disrespecting me in front of people. If you hate my ring, deal with it. If you'll never be happy to see me with the one that means the most to me then you're not worthy to be called a best friend. It takes time for me to come out and speak up in the open when someone's hurting me but you have pushed it. I am fed up. I don't care where this leads."

BLOGSVILLE

I apologize if that was harsh
but I am really hurt

10 comments:

Writefreak said...

Sweetheart, i'm so sorry about this...and i am sending you big hugs...
Some guys just find it hard to be friends once you turn them down but sometimes i believe you have to love someone enough to be able to let them go!
So i'd say olamild, give the guy a lot of space, you deserve to be happy love!

Anonymous said...

I can definetly relate, as I have been there several times (Not going there ever again). Most of my very close friends were male and always wanted more than friendship. I think guys have this false hope that a girl that likes them as a friend will some day change her mind. By the way, if he is truly a good friend, he will be very happy for your hapiness, as much as it hurts him to see you with someone else.
In my opinion, guys can be even more jealous than girls. they will be snobish, when the see you with "Mr"
and do other petty things.

some guys that are too posessive, find it hard to let go and this can be scary, when the built up anger in them manifests.

Sooner or later you are going to have to let this go,he is acting to childish and you will not need this unneccsary drama when you are married. When you do get married, do not discuss your marriage with him whether good or bad.

Kafo said...

one day at a time
some people are put in our lives for a reason others for a season and others for a lifetime

reason= a particular purpose
season = a particular time could be anything from a couple of months to a couple of years
lifetime= for life


when we try and make reason friends into season friends we experience alot of harship and when we try to make season friends into lifetime friends we encounter drama


so sincerely ask God which one this friend is and then take it from there

Miss Opeke said...

I know you are really hurting so you are going to say a lot of things...things you may never be able to take back...
But whatever your differences, please just try to sit down together and resolve it like adults when you both have cool off...
Let him know you just want to be friends and you don't want to mess up the relationship you've built over these year...If he really is a friend then he should understand...
Most of all, just do what OLAMILD will do in this situation...

Anonymous said...

Hmmm.....

Anonymous said...

You have to step away from this friendship at least for a while. I don't know you, but I'm happy when anyone find love and happiness. A true friend would too, even if it means letting go of future expectations he may have about you.

Treating you badly, insulting you, is unacceptable.

Anonymous said...

Thanks writefreak.
Some guys do find it difficult and he happens to be one of them.

Temi
You are so right. Guys are extra jealous o cause this one is jealousy in the highest order. I can't even talk to my man on the phone without him squeezing his face.

Opeke & Kafo
yall know i don't relent in prayers. I will try my best but I must admit that i am weak...

rethots
it is well.

kitten
I understand that it is hard for someone to see the person s/he likes with another person and i tried to reason with him... but i refuse to be disrespected.

@ all
He is hard to stay away from cause we live in the same hood, attend same events, same church....yall get it?

Anonymous said...

I can understand that making a clean break whereby you never see him again is next to impossible, however you have to trust that God will give you the strength to deal with seeing him regularly yet not relating to him and behaving the way you used to around him.

In my opinion his actions have shown that he doesn't respect your relationship with your boyfriend. I don't care if it was motivated by his own love for you but the fact of the matter is you have told him that you are with somebody else and you have no romantic interest in him. He should respect that, no matter how much it hurts him (though I recognize and sympathize with him because I'm sure that getting over you won't be easy).

I don't think I have much advice for you, but to him I would encourage him to take his feelings of sadness over your not being available as his girlfriend to God in prayer.

Anonymous said...

Thanks GNG
I appreciate your help

Olufunke said...

Since its almost impossible to avoid seeing this friend........I dont know what to say
I can imagine what you are goign throuhg....you are happy, and it woudl have been nice your friends are happy for you too.

I agree with others, you need to end ( even if its temporarily) your friendship with him, till he gets over you , i know that is not easy for him too, you know men cannot handle jealousy well.

Me,I am happy for you, and I believe you are praying for your friend too