So..so confused

Just two days ago,
I went to my aunt's place
You remember Master C?
I chilled with him and D don for a while.
When it was time for me to go to my evening class,
Master C told me I couldn't go that he had a gift for me
I'm like hmm what's it gonna be this time?
the shrek doll u got from Mickey D?
the kung fu panda toy u got from chuck e cheese?
or the transformers toy mama got you?

He just smiled and went upstairs
He heard me slam the door and he goes
"Aunty OLAMILDDDDDDD! I know you're not leaving
when I told you not to"
"I'm right here boo, I was just closing the door to prevent
the flies from coming in." I replied.
He came downstairs with his hands behind his back
He looked at me and said
" I know I give you a lot of trouble
but you've been good to me
and I thought I should give you this."

He handed me a book.
I looked at the title and it said Praying for purpose for women
a prayer experience that will change your life forever.
I didn't bother to ask him how he got it
I could not smile, I could not cry
I just didn't know how to react
I was astonished. I hugged him and left.
I raced to my car and I shook in fear.
I asked myself when was the last time I really prayed?
I use to be the one that prayed all the time

I use to be the one that talked to God
about everything
I mean everything... one time I asked God how come I don't have hips?
I said God why big thighs? why not hips? abi i no deserve figure 8...
that just gives u a clue about how I open up to God.

It dawned on me
I had gone through so much in the past couple of months
Instead of me to run to God and seek comfort, help
I run away from him
I go about singing praises to him
and helping others
when I'm the one who really needs help

I am an aspiring Law student (Corporate Law to be precise)
I have switched courses like crazy
WHY?
My dreams differ from that of my parents
and OLAMILD is supposed to do whatever they say
After all , many Nigerian parents use her as an example for their kid
She leads the church choir
She sings at weddings, birthdays, anniversaries
She's respectful
She's a yoruba lady and respect is the most important thing in the culture.
They told her to go to school to be a Pharmacist
She chose Law, which is her passion
She started off taking pharmacy pre-requisites but it just wasn't for her
In anytime they are going to find out
what she has done
and all hell will break loose.

The last thing I want is for people to change
their views about me
but I have to live for me.
That's what sparkle says
stop thinking about what people say
follow your heart.

`Just got out of an 8 yrs relationship
and God knows I need prayers.
I need it more than anything.
In the past couple of months,
I have written close to 5 songs that I have done nothing with
I just sing it in my head, in my car and just forget it.
I have been running away from what I need the most = PRAYERS

It's sad
but it's very encouraging
that God just used a 5 yr old (Yes, Master C is 5 now)
to tell me that he is still there
ready to help me.
All he asks is that I put my hand in his hands
and let him have his way.

PRAY 4 me pleaseeeeeeeee.....